I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
