We won't sleep together?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
