I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
