Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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