i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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