Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
