so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
