I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
