I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
