Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
