i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
