next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
God, I missed his penis.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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