today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My vagina just recognized that song.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We left the knife in your bed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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