wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
