Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
