WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize