life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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