im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
