I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
