I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
