Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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