i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
