During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
