Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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