our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
