RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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