I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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