Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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