I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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