We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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