I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
