Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
