Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
