tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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