I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
