Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
