If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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