everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
