I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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