3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
