I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize