Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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