We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
