I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
