Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Mom said you looked used
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
