I cockslap morals
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
