Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
