I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
