I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
