I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize