im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
