Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
