wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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