bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
