Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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