I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
