Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
