Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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