You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
