I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
