i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
