I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
