32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Acid is not a monday night drug
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
