So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
