And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
