Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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