Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
